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    Oh, and also for posting pictures of your genitals and telling the world that you're a "bottom. If you're confused, you've probably never checked out the "Casual Encounters" link in the Personals section of Craigslist. And don't worry, for your emotional health, we've excluded the listings that feature stranger junk. I'm staying at the Bensalem Hampton Inn. Room door will be unlocked and I'll be asleep. Just walk in, drop your shorts and bury your dick in my jock-strapped ass.

    What We Can Assume: This is pretty cut and dry. We have a submissive bottom, who wants one or more guys to enter his hotel room and sodomize him while pretending that the act is actually being carried out by force. Thanks to the torso picture we also know that this fellow seems to be somewhat athletic, which may explain why he sleeps in a jockstrap.

    This could easily be one creative man setting up another man for an unexpected ass raping. Where It Went Wrong: Unlike some of the other solicitations featured, we are genuinely concerned for this listing's author. Maybe this is prudish, but it seems dangerous to let the world know the exact hotel where you'll be staying, that you plan on leaving the door open and that you expect to be brutalized.

    Not everyone is into rape. Some people are more into robbery and gay bashing. Chance of Getting Laid: It's also possible that this is one of the cruelest pranks ever perpetrated using the Internet. That whatever educational institutions this man has attended have failed him. Any attempt to read this listing will confound even the most skilled codebreaker. However, we can glean from the photos that the author has studied a martial art, wears a referee jersey while tending to small children and competes in bicycle races.

    It doesn't seem like much of a stretch to speculate that his dad is just barely out of the frame of the bicycle race, having just let go of the seat of his bicycle. Where do you start? First off, any "clein" woman looking for a hook up needs to understand this strange secret language to communicate her interest.

    For regular human females, the logistics of using email to set up a place to rendezvous with a guy who has no grasp of the written word or any understanding of basic syntax will seem daunting.

    And, if that's not enough to scare them off, he mentions tonight, "tomarow" and the weekend as times he's available. Sounds like our little buddy here isn't the most popular mental defective in Houston. I am a well built and drug free gentleman with a strong sexual drive. I have a desire to be with an expecting mother Pregnant and want to make this fantasy come true. There is something so beautiful about pregnant women and I would love nothing more than to please one.

    I play no games and ask that you do the same. Right away, we know Damion is a polite guy. He opens by offering thanks for reading his listing and signs off with "sincerely" just to let you know that he's not kidding about wanting some pregger's poontang. He does mention that he plays no games, which probably means breast-pump bingo is out of the question. From the photos, we can also note that while not chasing women with child, Damion hangs out in abandoned train yards and old water-damaged barns.

    Clearly, the photos are pretty damning. Had Damion went with a single photo, one might think, "Weird, he looks kinda gay. They've got enough problems without introducing a sexually-confused lover into the mix. Also, "I am also a massage therapist" is doing Damion no favors. Roughly three out of five guys who post attest to being massage therapists. Basically, it's code for, "I promise to provide half-assed foreplay before wanting to bang.

    She probably doesn't need the heaping second helping of mommy issues this guy's clearly bringing to the table. Age and body type have intriguingly not been specified. By leading with all physical attributes including age, hair and eye color, height, weight and the description "attractive athletic," we know this guy is proud of what he looks like.

    The fact that he wants to meet up for a drink and exchange oral sex in a car, well, that leads one to believe that he probably lives with someone. If it's a girlfriend or wife, that's one thing. If it's his parents, that's kind of sad, plus it might mean the car he's proposing to make out in is owned by his folks.

    If any bodily fluids are spilled, be prepared to be handed a Wet- Nap. Meanwhile, he completely forgets to give any sort of indication about what type of woman he's looking for, which gives off the impression that he'll pretty much let anybody gargle his goods.

    The fact that he spells maybe, "mabey" not once, but twice is also somewhat troubling. Women who like their sexual organs to be treated like the African monkey trap. If you've been there and done it, you already know and understand what's written below What follows that quote is about words describing "fisting" in extreme detail You can click on the pic for the full ad, if you must.

    The verve he uses when rolling out the numbered steps of the process makes it evident that this guy will approach a possible encounter like some sort of demented camp counselor demonstrating macrame. The header reads "Getting to be popular fun! More than likely, it's not the type of experience she wants to have just so she can share the story at the watercooler with her fisting-enthusiast co-workers. Also, he might want to edit the tidbit about it taking " days for vagina to return to original state.

    Don't be a chicken. I have rented a residence in North Vegas, off Craig street. If interested please email me for a appointment. I am very willing to please you. Additionally, it's been indicated that our cross-dresser lives in North Vegas. And while everyone knows what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, few are familiar with the North Vegas slogan, which is: What happens in North Vegas will haunt your dreams forever.

    ...

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    And while everyone knows what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, few are familiar with the North Vegas slogan, which is: What happens in North Vegas will haunt your dreams forever. For someone who's not into female impersonators, there is so much wrong here. But even if that is your cup of tea, you've got to be taken aback by the doll photo. That's some crazy serial-killer stuff right there. Combine that with the freaky flowers-and-curls wig and any sensible person answering this listing would have to be at least a little worried about ending up in a freezer.

    You provide the cute and cuddly. Not looking for a one-night thing. I want all of the winter or when one of us finds someone better, whichever comes first. I won't have sex with you. Cuddles is probably in the wrong section, because he's looking for more than a one-time thing and he's ardent in his declaration that there will be no sex.

    We can also assume that he doesn't have adequate heat in his home, as his winter-term relationship seems to involve you becoming his human space heater.

    You've got a picture of kittens, you've asserted that you're a year-old virgin and the best descriptions you can come up with for yourself is that you have a "high metabolism? Cuddles, but you should consider eHarmony. If there's no ass play or misguided fantasy involved, Craigslist Casual Encounters has no use for you. Women who want to be manhandled by a lover with a questionable sense of style.

    Vanilla women is out of the question and I only do KINK women that have a drive and a need to be controlled and in a submissive relationship. I am DOM in a good way, I am not a beater, yell or threaten - any male can to that, we call them ass holes. A true DOM knows how to control by asking once and can give you a look that will melt you in one second. This guy likes to be in control. He knows what he wants and he's confident in his ability to melt flavors other than vanilla with a look that has been clocked at one second.

    Unfortunately, honing this incredible melting stare power has kept him from having time to get to the mall. Our best estimates track this tie to the Structure's spring collection. In the first line where he reveals that it's a recent picture of him. He may not be what we call "ass holes," but his pose and choice of neck wear are clearly giving off a heavy vibe of dork. And, it's not the sweet helpless sort of dork either.

    We're guessing that the annoying repeated capping of "DOM" is an indication our friend is desperate to act out a control fantasy that has something to do with being passed over for a manager position at the grocery store where he's a "professional" cashier.

    We don't see why a listing that gives off the same bitter vibe he does in person would make his chances any better. I'm offering ot take you on a cruise to Hawaii expenses paid for with me that is round trip to LA. It just doesn't happen. So despite all the name calling, feelings of alienation and social discrimination, sometimes it is really, really awesome to be gay, like when you get extended a two-week Hawaiian vacation and cruise for a few hook-ups.

    Also, sometimes it's not that awesome to be straight, broke and desperately in need of a vacation. Honestly, the only thing wrong with this listing is that it evokes a great deal of envy amongst heterosexual males. The curious straight guy who happens upon this inquiry will inevitably ask themselves why they've been cursed with an attraction to the opposite sex when the best you can hope for in the women-for-men listings are year-old single mothers looking to host dudes who enjoy big-bodied females at their mobile home.

    The only way this goes wrong is if he's full of shit and the cruise turns out to be a trip around the bay on his Uncle Remus' fishing boat. You could really get hurt if you resist. But pushing past that fear, by passing through it, lite rally the joy that lies on the other side of convention If you're an atheist, you will get to know God experientially, from being fucked in the ass.

    Butt sex means a lot to this guy. Not many listings offer a spiritual experience, but the author of this one is doing just that.

    Photos of his torso display a muscular build, because no one wants to be reamed to a point where they "know God experientially" by someone who doesn't have a membership at Crunch. When the Archbishop of Ass-Nailing completely disregarded the fact that this is called Casual Encounters. The feeling you get after reading the listing is that an encounter with this guy is going to be anything but casual. In fact, it doesn't seem like a stretch to think his idea of foreplay includes some chanting and the sacrifice of a goat.

    However, it's good our anal missionary here is looking to convert nonbelievers using Craigslist. Taking his divine message door to door like a Mormon would be pretty creepy and probably illegal in most states. Really just a matter of whichever one gives out first. Some famous people are radically different from the images we hold dear in our hearts. We're here to catch you up on all the interesting stuff you should know.

    We like to think we're getting pretty good at spotting when a politician is lying to us Sometimes a video game's attempt to tackle the more delicate issues just plain falls short. Don't make me do this again. Don't have an account? Please enter a Username. I agree to the Terms of Service.

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